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Is it Love or Lust?

When it comes to love, lust and matters of the heart, it can be tricky to tell the difference between the two.  Most us can’t figure out if the feelings we have toward our partner stem from love or desire.  It is said that pure lust is based solely on physical attraction and fantasy.  It often disappears when you finally discover your partners “true self.”  Love on the other hand, is not based on first impressions or what you “think” that person is like.  It requires you to get to know each other.

Here are 7 signs that will help you discover is it love or lust

1. You Must Always Look Good For your Partner

Good Looking Woman is it love or lust

You make sure you look your best when you are with your partner.  If you are a woman, you invest your time and money to wax your body hair, wear makeup and wear clothing that flatters your body type.  As a man, you make sure to wear your best suit and look clean and groomed.  You are hyper aware of your appearance when you are in the presence of lust.  Now there is nothing wrong with looking good for your significant other, but if you feel like you need to do this 24/7, then this is an indicator your relationship is superficial. It is normal to have this feeling of needing to look good for your partner in the beginning of a relationship, but if it persists a year or two into the relationship, it is almost certainly a clear sign that you are in lust and not in love.

2. Lack of Meaningful conversation

Meaningful conversation is it love or lust

My wife and I have been together for almost 10 years, and we still don’t run out of things to talk about!  But if you and your partner never talk about your problems, never discuss your life goals or ambitions or it makes you feel uncomfortable, then  this can be a fairly easy way to tell if its love or lust.  Your relationship has not yet reached a point where you are open with each other about your personal shortcomings.  Love is friendship and lust is raw attraction, and can be shallow and sometimes unfulfilling. 

3. You See Only Their Physical Beauty

Pretty Woman is it love or lust

When you look at your partner, it is excellent and vital to be attracted to them, especially in the long run, whether it is love or lust. If you look at them and it seems like they are blessed with incredible beauty, they seem perfect and can do no wrong, then it might be lust.  The reality is, no one is perfect and when figuring is it love or lust, one should always take this into consideration.  In a love relationship, you don’t care about their physical beauty as much as you care about their personality, their kindness towards you and others. 

4. Your only Activity Together is Sex

Only Activity is Sex is it love or lust

Most of the time you spend together is in the sack.  I love spending time in bed with my woman and there is still a place for lust, even in a love relationship.  I even wrote post on “When The Best Time To Have Sex” is, you might want to check out.  Sex is a crucial part of any relationship regardless if its love or lust.  But if this is all you do together, and never take part in other satisfying relationship activities such as going for walks, having dinner or movie dates, picking each others brains or just playing a fun game together, then you are definitely on more on the path of lust more than love.

5. No Emotional Connection

No emotional connection is it love or lust

When you are together, and the silence between you is awkward and uncomfortable.  If you are in love with someone, you are comfortable with the silence and just sitting and looking into each others eyes.  This one might sound a bit corny, but it’s a pretty easy way to see if it is love or lust.  In a lust relationship, talking about feelings or sitting in silence with each other can make your skin crawl!  If you want to run when you and your partner are doing this, its definitely lust! This can also be a good reason for your partner to leave you for someone else they may actually LOVE!

6. Don’t Like Being Seen Together in Public

Hiding is it love or lust

This one might sound a bit strange, but when a couple is in love, they don’t care who knows it or sees it.  When only lust is in the picture, being in public together can make you feel out of place, because you are only really happy with that person in the bedroom.  This one is a big shout out back to number 4 when the only activity you enjoy with each other is sex.

7. No Plans For The Future

No plans for the future is it love or lust

You are always telling your partner how much you want them and can’t stop thinking about them.  But as soon as the conversation of future comes up, it’s crickets…  The thought of any kind of commitment, having kids or sharing a living space has not even crossed your mind.  Not everyone wants those things, and your goals for the future might be different. And pretty soon, you will probably be thinking about sleeping with someone new.  But if you don’t see your current partner as part of your future plans, it’s probably lust. 


So let me just say, there are no right answers here.  These are just some of the ways you tell the difference between love and lust. There could be a ton of other subtle clues along the way that might make you question the love / lust factor.  This article is by no means meant to make you feel bad about your current relationship. 

If you are happy just banging all the time and nothing more, then by all means, keep doing it! You may even want to explore ways to seduce a woman with just a simple text message, if that is what you’re into.  But if you want more than just a roll in the hay, then pay attention to these signs.  It might be inspiration for you to turn your lust relationship into a love one.  Or maybe it can be motivation to find a new partner that aligns with what you want in life. 

Before you go, I want to recommend a program by someone who has a lot of experience on this topic.  His name is Alex Allman and his program is called “Revolutionary Sex”

His program is great for anyone who wants to have the best sex possible weather you are in love or lust 😉  Check it out Here! or click on the image below.

Revolutionary Sex Book Cover

Photo by Toa Heftiba on Unsplash