When you see or meet someone new that you are interested in, making first contact can be tough! Everyone has a different “level of shyness”. It can be anything from being afraid to make eye contact, to being terrified to even speak to the person. Whatever your issues are, have no fear! We are going to address them here and give you some tips to overcome your shyness and how to have more confidence in dating.
How Shy Are You?
First, you want to be honest with yourself and address your confidence level. Of course, if you are the type of person that is terrified of asking a woman / man out, then building confidence will be more of a challenge for you v.s. someone that maybe isn’t afraid to ask someone out, but does not know how to take the next step.
So figure out where you fall on the spectrum. Terrified being the lowest confidence, semi-confident being somewhere in the middle and fairly confident, meaning you probably know almost everything we are about to cover, but are interested in reading this post anyhow. So what are some things you can do to building your dating confidence? Let’s take a look.
Change Your Dating Outlook
The first thing you need to do to gain more confidence, is to change your mindset towards dating. What do we mean by this? We are talking about taking a casual approach and having a “who cares” attitude towards dating. By doing this, you are taking all of the pressure off yourself.
If a date doesn’t go so well, who cares! If you really like the person, but they weren’t that into you, who cares! You see the common theme here? Having this type of mindset will help you be more confident because you have eased your expectations, and will be more open to anything that might happen. Keep your expectations for a new date low, have a carefree attitude and you will be doing great in no time.
Re-Affirm Your Greatness
Everyone has a few key strengths about themselves. It can be personality traits, life achievements, special skills you might have. Anything that you know you are good at or possess that is particularly great about you.
Now that you have identified your self greatness, acknowledge it! Look yourself in the mirror, tell yourself how great you feel about those things and yourself. It might sound silly, but it does actually have a scientific basis to help boost your confidence. Because what you are doing is reminding yourself regularly about these wonderful things about you, therefore helping to boost your confidence over time. Also, this does not apply to only dating, but life in general. Just make sure to do this at once a day to see the results.
Take Some Risk
This one sort of points back to the “who cares” motto, but dating involves taking some chances. I mean everything worthwhile in life requires you to take some sort of chance. Dating is no different. Don’t be afraid to join a dating site or app. Go up to that guy or girl at the bar and offer to buy them a drink.
Talk to that cute girl in your yoga class. Or maybe there is that hot guy in your office you can’t stop thinking about. Whatever it is, you need to take some risk. Realistically, the risk is just being rejected. But going back to our first point “who cares”! There are plenty of people out there, and if you keep trying, you will find the person for you.
Be Honest With Your Date
Once you actually land a date, don’t be afraid to be honest with that person. Don’t try to be someone you’re not. I know it can be tempting to try and make yourself look better than you really are, but don’t do it. Your date will respect you more for it.
Also, if you know that you are not the most confident person, but you managed to snag the date, feel free to let the other person know that! Why would you do this? It shows vulnerability, which ultimately is honesty. Also, it can be a turn on for the other person, and possibly even flatter them. Knowing that you thought they were too cute to get a date with them, but somehow you managed. It will leave them feeling great about themselves and you!
Obviously, we all do this subconsciously, but I’m not talking about the kind of breathing that we all normally do. I am talking about taking a few deep breaths before going to ask him or her out. Taking deep breaths helps your body and mind to relax. The calmer you are on your approach, the more confidence you will exude. If you look nervous and erratic, your date will be able to tell.
We are not saying to wear platform heels for women or jack boots for a man. What we mean is to walk with confidence. When you are getting ready to walk into a date or ask someone out, walk like you own it. Keep your head high, and your shoulders and back straight.
Wear clean, and pressed clothes on your date or when going out looking for one. Make sure you have fresh breath. Smell good! L’Occitane has great smelling cologne for men perfume for women. Check them out on Amazon. I personally use L’Occitane Zesty & Aquatic L’homme Cologne Cedrat Eau De Toilette for Men and women love it! Ladies, a favorite of mine if I may suggest is, Christian Dior Miss Blooming Bouquet Eau de Toilette Spray for Women. It is so feminine and so sexy. A man won’t be able to resist. Appear like you give a shit about your appearance! I know looks are certainly not everything in a relationship, but it plays a huge role in first impressions.
Realize They Might Be Nervous Too
Regardless of how confident your date may seem, they probably have some level of nervousness going on as well. By opening up with the other person, and showing that you are a human being can score you huge points.
We are all human and we all get a little worried of what the other person may think or worried you might say something dumb. This is normal! Don’t worry about it, and by getting this out of the way early in a date, it can really help you make a genuine connection with your date.
Know Your Options
It may seem a little overwhelming with all of the dating options out there these days, but you can use this to your benefit. A lot of people are into using dating apps or sites. Go ahead and give it a try! But if you feel like that is lame or disingenuous, then try some old school methods.
I still think meeting people in real life and “in the wild” is still the best, and most authentic way to meet someone. Right away, you know if there is some attraction, and you can have many more spontaneous opportunities when you spot someone interesting to you.
Some great old school ways of meeting new people are of course, going to a bar or lounge. This is a great choice, but only if you are into that scene. But if you don’t drink, then try going to public park or beach. A neutral space is great, and the other person won’t feel threatened by you.
Share Some Cool Stories About Yourself
One of the best ways to build confidence on a date, is to tell the other person about some of the great things you have done. If you volunteer at a soup kitchen, tell them. If you have consistently been employee of the month at your job, tell them. These little things can have a huge impact on how the other person will see you.
It shows that you have passion in life about something. They will start to see some of your talents and get to know you. The important part of this, that you cannot forget is: make sure to ask about your date too! If you just go on and on about yourself, and never ask about your date, they will think you are rude, arrogant and could care less about them. Show some consideration, and genuine care in them and their life too!
Have a Pre-Date Ritual
Everyone has different activities that relax them. Try to do one or two of these before every date, or before going out looking for a date. A few good ones can be, read a favorite book, or blog post like this one! Masturbate! Masturbation is a great relaxation method for both men and women. It will take some of the sexual tension out of the date as well.
Have a drink before the date! This always help take the edge off, and is a proven way to give you more confidence immediately. Just make sure not to over do it and show up on your date drunk. That is a great way to strike out right away.
Address Your Insecurities
You know yourself better than anyone else. So you are the only person that can help you through this part. Look at the things about yourself that kill your confidence level and address them. Just like the nervous thing, remember that EVERYONE has something about themselves they hate or are insecure about. It is also normal. Getting a grip on this, and finding ways to be less concerned about them, will do a great deal in boosting your self-esteem and confidence.
This will come later in your confidence building strategy, but once you have built up enough confidence to get a date or two, keep going in that direction. The more dates you go on, the less intimidating they will be. Just like any other activity, practice makes perfect. By going on more dates you are normalizing the whole process in your head. Talking to a stranger about yourself and your life will just seem normal. Going to a new place with someone new, will also seem normal. Everything gets better with practice and dating is no different.
Becoming a Confident Dater will Improve Your Life
Not only will these approaches and tactics to building your confidence improve your love life, it will improve your whole life in general. In reality, you can apply these principles to anything you want to learn or getter at.
If you have been thinking about asking your boss for a raise at work, or switching jobs or careers all together. Guess what? That takes confidence. Moving to a new city, state or country takes confidence. Having the courage to start a business takes confidence. Facing the the unknown in life is tough. But if you have confidence, then you are giving yourself fantastic odds of succeeding in whatever you venture out to do.
We don’t have to have all of the answers in life and no one can predict the future. But if you have confidence, then half the battle is already won. All of the challenges that come up along the way will be dealt with at the time. And just knowing that you have the ability to face whatever comes your way, will keep you about as confident as they come.